been away-

mk, so i've been away.

haven't written in a minute.
updates: nothing really.

life is blah right now.
nothing e x c i t i n g.
just smmmoooottthhhh.

hope yu guys enjoyed the holidays w. the family.
i did :] & well new years is 3 days away-
as well as denis' 3rd birthday.
baby is getting older.

christmass eve-

it's today! :]
excited, but it's not the same joy
as it was when i was younger. anyways:
ima spend it w. the fam. & i hope to see
jasmin tomorrow to give her the gift i
bought her.

& OMGG! she is the bestest friend i could
have asked for. she got me my purse(cheetah print!)
& also gonna pay for my lipe piercing.
my mom payed for my hair & nail.
so ima looking cyyuutteee today.

so, that's it for this blog.

MEERRRYYY CCHHRRIIISSTTMMMAASSSSS to everyone!
be happy. safe. & thankful.

love yu all<3

my idol-

i was talking to we$ly today & i mentioned
to him how my idol was Beyonce. (i adore her!)
& well he told me that in the bible it said
something 'bout not having an idol. i really
don't know wah he meant. he then said something
about me going to church: but honestly, & w. no
disrespect, my church & god is in my heart, mind
& soul. i dont need to go to no church to show i
am a follower of Gods word's. HE is thee only one who
knows where i stand, & that is beside him.

anyways..
i was watching Beyonce in concert on teevee
& she made me tear up. especially, w. danegeriously
in love. she gave me the goosebumps. no lie!
haha. but i honestly can say i am proud to have
an idol as fierce, loving, most beautiful, respected
woman like- Beyonce.

count down beqins. half way point;

6 months exactly till my 19 birthday!

sheesh, am i qettine old. :/ i remember just last yr when i wished i was 18. & look at me now. all bad. i don't wanna grow old.

chanqes.

life is chanqinq.
i am chanqinq.
to a better that is.

i've been to hell & back. heaven on earth. it feels qood to finally know i am a woman. level headed. w. a qood head on my shoulders. ive learned to love. live. & leave. leave those thinqs that hold me back, hurt me, confuse me, & tarnish me. i'm thankful i have qone throuqh bullshit; because NOW i am stronqer & wiser. in the moment of time i wished i wasn't on earth, but as time chanqes i chanqe w. it & i open my eyes to the liqht. i'm excited for the holidays. & for a new year. i know ima have some rocky moments, but i will read back & reminice & know i will qet throuqh this, heart. soul. & all.

OH & IT'S DECEMBER 1st JUST NOTICED ;
i'm excited for the new year . excited for a new life . excited w. livinq my life . i've qotten rid of people i dont need , finally . & ima keep it that way . my mom & i have been talkinq some what . my parents surprised me w. my bed set & old room stuff at my dads house . since when i qot kicked out her house she kept them . so hopefully this means ima be a better person . denis is turning 3 on january 1st . he makes my heart melt . i love him to death . i qot my car , STILL no job but ima manaqe .

so life is fkn :
W O N D E R F U L (:

& as far as friends , we still strongg . my mamas is doinq qood in her preqnancy . jasmin qot a job . & daniel is beinq daniel .


so this is my life ..
living .

breathinq .

strivinq .

B E I N G .

mk , it's been a llllooooooonnnggggg week & weekend . alot of funny shit has gone on . begining w. my ex's girl hitting me up . lmao ! can you say pathetic ? i would understand if you gonna argue w. me over a faithful nigga . but he a cheater ; so wtf is she hitting me up talking 'bout stay away from him . ahaha , it was too funny . what she needa worry 'bout is going to an ortho & getting those teeth fixed . PRONTO ! but any who -- friday was pOppin . spent it w. my cousin daniel & paris & the $MA$H people . also , partied w. the TRILL fam . got worked . iworked . we jerked . got broke . ibroke . it was too fun . but i aint fkn w. the $MA$H fam no more . too much drama . over nonsense . so fks it . i still rep my mixed breed sister , to the fullest <3 uhm once again ; another weekend w. jasmin . man , we are always together . i cant do w.out her . uhm , had a job interview at victoria secrets . hope i get a call back . i really do ! i needa job . i need $$$ .

i am writting away since today is jasmin first day at work . gonna go mess w. her ass later on . before she gets off work . so (: got nothing else really . life is going great . nothing to complain about . but kinda iffy ; i miss daja & we've kinda drifted since i started school & since she expecting a baby boy & work & her husband . also moving , but i still love her so damn much . welp , that's it for this posting . i shall write later . toodles *

quick thanks .

i would like to give a quick & heart warming thanks to those who are following my blog . it's sweet of ya'll ; for wanting to read my wierd blogs . ahaha . but thank you all . & if i dont know you dont be shy & introduce yourself(: so thanks ones again . much lovee<3

Evolution of Dance .

LMAAOOO , ya'll needa watch this . from begining to end . its guts

Daft Bodies .

this always trips me out . it's really intertaining .

waaahhh ?
i got a new car ?
xD


yes , the fk i did . ahhh , it's not the car i wanted at first . but the minute i laid my eyes on that baby ; IT WAS LOVE . it's a 2001 black celica . a raccceer .
vrrrrrrrrrooooommmmmmmmm muthafkas move out the way cause my wilyn ass is on the high way . lmfao . i'm so excited . driving it to see the bestie today . so toodles .
* bella .

hello kitty<3

ahaha , crazy right ?

well , let's see today ; i spent time w. 2 of my brothers . not my baby :| he's w. my momma so whatever . i kinda miss being back at my mom's house . just the fact of always having someone to yell & play w. or just lay in bed w. & watch football or basketball games w. they mean alot to me . so i DO miss them alot . they are all i know since i been growing up . 18 years & now i am moved out . kinda thinking back when i was a child . no stress . no worries . free . & innocent . i still can't believe i am 18 . lol , a shocker . but i'm taking charge of my life . & i enjoy it .

well today imma go check out a car . i am in need of one . since i will be doing full time at school . & also my dad crashed my baby . my nissan altima ls . RIP baby . i'm excited for a new car though . gonna be whippen harder than i do in my dads bucket :D the bestie know . ahaha . so pray for me . & also pray that i find a JOB in this low economic time . or if you know some openings or hook ups , LEMME KNOW . thanks babes .

M E .

joanna elizabeth lopez . born on june 11 , 1990 to denia & jose lopez . 2nd child to denia . & first to jose . only girl :) . raised in LA . mixed w. black , hondurian & messican . an achiever since birth . beat death once . very open minded . intellictual . humurious . very outspoken & ruthless at times . not afraid of physical harm . never backed down . desperate , loud & ignorant females make me laugh . being brought up by brothers & homeboys have taught me that i will lose a nigga to a triq , but a man wants a wifey . & a triq can never be transformed into a housewife . got a nigga mentallity . sweet talk . fake asperations don't work w. me . i can see beyond the fakeness . i love making friends . making people laugh . wiyln . i'm good at getting into something sticky . ahaha . very family orriented . a deep thinker . a writer . romantic . listener . adviser . communicater . addicted to my sidekick <3 very much single . looking ? i wouldn't say yes , but then again no . so what ever the cat drags in . hard headed . my past has made me the women i am today . i sometimes catch myself reminicing on the past , but only to know where i am at now . happy . still learning . living .

such a gorgious flower . i wanted get some of these tatted on me . i was thinking my back & whole shoulder . but have some of the floweres represent every special person in my family . like my dad , 3 brothers & bestfriend . my mom ? idk . our relationship is rocky . & as for now we aint talking . but if life allows us we'll patch it up somehow . i really don't care .

but aren't they beautiful .
they're called hibiscus flower .
they're from hawaiia .
:D
ahh , so peacful .

lately .

ahhmm , okay .
lately i've been kinda wooo , emotional . but i guess i just needed to drain all my problems out . i'm the type of female that will keep things bottled in & when i feel overwhelmed i write away ; as you may have noticed :x lmao . but other than my love life being shitty . MY LIFE IS WONDERFUL . i got an understanding loving daddy . my bestfriends bring tear to my eyes . my main daja is expecting her first baby boy , & my brothers are amazing . i am struggling w. finding a job , but for the time i am enjoying my free time(: whippin . never home . & just occupying my head w. other activities . so life is great .



didn't want people reading this think i'm suicidal . ahaha , cause i'm not .
i am just a fierce lover & when i get hurt i take it to the heart . welp that's about it for me ... so i'll blog later . toodles !




ps ; & is it only me or did they take off the edits on the top bar to make youre writting bigger , smaller , different colors & ish ?

i'm lost .

i don't know where i'm headed .
in life . love . & within me .
i've never been so ruthless .
so uncaring . so d e a d .

i've cried . i've hurt .
but now i'm emotionless .

done w. the pain .
i'm pass my fears .
not afraid of death .
not afraid of what may happen to me .

it's just that i've given so much ;
& in return didn't get anything .
it fucking killed me inside .
it broke me . it changed me .
for the worst .

i got a short temper . evil inside .
who have i've become ? me ? or the result
of so many dissapointments .
of this thing called LIFE .

life lessons my ass .

i remember .

" i remember when i said i hated you , but deep inside still loving you . sad & lonely "

i remember those days , when i would look forward to hearing from you . the butterflies you would give me . just the thought of having someone like you LIKE me . the thought & believing you was mine . it's so hard to explain the affection & deep deep love i have for you . it was lust . admiration . passion . fierce fiening for you . your voice . your lips . YOU . i wanted you for you . not the looks . not the "swag" , but for the man i met . many people only saw the outside shell . your looks , but i knew your heart . your deep thoughts . you as a whole . the man i wanted to be with . even though you was miles away , my heart was yours . to love . to keep . till now it's hard for me to think back & compare us to what we once were . HAPPY . we went wrong . we fell out . we attempted , but failed . but for some reason i find myself in love with you , the same or more since day one . because i know what we've became was because of unfaithfulness . childhood games . i would like to turn the hands of time , & just let all of this out . maybe , just maybe it would had changed our future . even so , you still make me smile . our memories . our moments . because i know it was love . even with all the fucked up shit we did to each other , & the pain you put me through I STILL LOVE YOU . because i know it isn't you & if i'm wrong , i'm wrong . i sometimes find myself crying , wanting to be the one that could change your whole prospective on life & love , but being your friend didn't work either . it made my situation worse . now i'm empty . lonely . reminiscing . you made me happy ; no doubt about it . so i'll just remember ...

ps ; you'll probably never read this ,

but this is my escape .

i miss you , us .

ouch !

my heart aches .
a part of me will always fiend
for him . no matter how
close or far we are .
because ;
I DID LOVE HIM .

god forgive me .

i'm dead to my feelings . dead to the person who i was before . before all the heart breaks , lies , put downs , hopeless inspirations of loving . i'm so good at being bad , & bad at being good . even when it's supposed to hurt it feels good . when i'm supposed to cry ; i laugh . when i'm supposed to fall on my knees ; i'm up , head high w. my middle finger up . so tell me , who could break a bitch like me ? no one . because i came into this earth alone & i'm gonna leave it the way i came in .

mixed emotions .

i've always had this pride & i dont give a fuck attitude which really back fires on me , sometimes . i was sitting there last night & he came to mind . it was this empty feeling i had in the pit of my stomach . i missed him . i needed him . i fiend for him . it had been a while since i felt like this so i tried to brush it off , but the thoughts of not being about him anymore still clinged to my thoughts . all i could think was ; 10 months . 10 months of my dedication to him . 10 months of unconditional love . 10 monts of heartbreaking moments , but still that burning love & hope in us . things change . situations change . people change . the love fades away . it wasn't forced , but a slow process . i believed i was falling out of love w. him , but it was anger . a grudge towards all the fucked up things i went through because of him . & then i found myself doing the same thing i critized him on . unfaithfulness . it was a descion i made w. out a knowledgeable reason , but i take full responsibilty for . i loved him . i love him ? i've tried to move on . i've tried to forget what we had , but i feel in love w. the man i met ; not the man he's becomed .

bestfriend . sisters .

EST . 2001

she's more than i could have asked for , or imagined in a bestfriend . she's been there for me through thick & thin . laughters & tears . highs & lows . & heartbreaks . she understands me in another level where i don't got to explain myself because she know what i'm talking about . a frienship like ours can't be compared or outdone . 7yrs in the making . what can you expect ? a true friendship . a bond . w. out her i wouldnt know how to handle my troubles & turbulence of life . i would like to thank you . even those words can't explain the gratitude & admiration i have for you . i love you jasmin . my other half . my partner in crime .

"FUCK ALL YOU HOES ; GET A GRIP MUTHAFUCKA"

life & death .

"life and death , energy and peace . if i stop today it was still worth it . even the terrible mistakes that I made and would have unmade if i could . the pains that have burned me and scarred my soul , it was worth it , for having been allowed to walk where i've walked , which was to hell on earth , heaven on earth , back again , into , under , far in between , through it, and above . - gia .

New .

Hm , i'm new . wow . i guess you could say i am a blogger . i got a myspace . a facebook . & now this(: but i am a social butterfly so what can you expect . hm , ain't got much to say . today is cloudy . i love these kinda days , but then again i regret not going to the wedding w. jasmin :/ a big tole on my day now . i miss her ditzy self cause she's always confusing her words or just no making any sense . but that's my bestfriend & I LOVE HER.
xoxo , bella .