" i remember when i said i hated you , but deep inside still loving you . sad & lonely "
i remember those days , when i would look forward to hearing from you . the butterflies you would give me . just the thought of having someone like you LIKE me . the thought & believing you was mine . it's so hard to explain the affection & deep deep love i have for you . it was lust . admiration . passion . fierce fiening for you . your voice . your lips . YOU . i wanted you for you . not the looks . not the "swag" , but for the man i met . many people only saw the outside shell . your looks , but i knew your heart . your deep thoughts . you as a whole . the man i wanted to be with . even though you was miles away , my heart was yours . to love . to keep . till now it's hard for me to think back & compare us to what we once were . HAPPY . we went wrong . we fell out . we attempted , but failed . but for some reason i find myself in love with you , the same or more since day one . because i know what we've became was because of unfaithfulness . childhood games . i would like to turn the hands of time , & just let all of this out . maybe , just maybe it would had changed our future . even so , you still make me smile . our memories . our moments . because i know it was love . even with all the fucked up shit we did to each other , & the pain you put me through I STILL LOVE YOU . because i know it isn't you & if i'm wrong , i'm wrong . i sometimes find myself crying , wanting to be the one that could change your whole prospective on life & love , but being your friend didn't work either . it made my situation worse . now i'm empty . lonely . reminiscing . you made me happy ; no doubt about it . so i'll just remember ...ps ; you'll probably never read this ,
but this is my escape .
i miss you , us .