It's raining outside...

I love the rain; listening to it is the best part, but as I sit here & listen to it ALL of the problems I have been avoiding flood in my head. I thought I was over them, but I was wrong. The one good thing about me is not being thrown into some sord of depression, but I am hurting inside. There's so many things going wrong in my Life that as I sit here I don't know how I do it. I am only human. I can only juggle so much. I can only take so much. & this damn Pride doesn't help!

I feel like I am drowning. Drowning in my problems w/ no hand to reach down to save me. I am trying to carry on w/ my life, but from the looks of it nothing has been resolved. I feel so alone. I feel like I'm about to burst. Sad to say, but I have given up on Hope. I see those around me, happy, in love. W/ someone who cherishes & appreciates them. I wish I had that. I'm not a bad person. God knows that. I love deep. I stay committed. I stay faithful & most of all I work for my relationship. & yet I don't understand why am I so alone? Why must I hurt? Why must I be treated like I just don't give a f*ck? I fight. I fight for what is right.

I don't have no bad intentions. & I wish they would just see that. I'm slowly slippin' I need to regain myself. I know I can, but for how long can I? I just want to be healed. I need God's guidance. I just hope he answers me soon... Because I don't know how long I can go on like this.

My definition of a Bestfriend;

Dayjanae Lane... We always ask ourselves this question "How the f*ck did we become friends?" 'till this day we don't know, lol. But we thank 6th period- Mr. Perantonie's class :) Now, before her I had a bestfriend since the 6th grade, but like they say "People come & go" & that girl went. But Daja, my little ol' Daja, has stuck by my side. I've seen her at her worse & I have always made sure I was there to show her. We've seen eachother cry, laugh, wild out & share those fun intoxicated night. The bond we got going on is WILD. You can stick us in a room w/ strangers & we make sure to have our Own Good Time. If you see her, you see me. If you see me, you see her. It's always Us two. No need for a Trio. But... I love this girl w' all my heart. The biggest & most important moment in my Life she shared w/ me; The Labor of My Son. That is something I will forever be Thankful for. Never will I EVER bad mouth this Woman because no matter what happens to us I will always be grateful I had her in my life. While everyone else assumes sh*t about My Girl, I know she is a good person. A person who believes in doing good for other's. A great friend. Mother & Future Wife. I love you Daja. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING; from the Bottom of my Heart. You're my B*tch. My Ride or Die. My Sister :*

Proud Mother.

6 months; the Mid mark for my Son. Today is a VERY important day for me because God has Blessed me & Everyone who loves Jaiden w/ 6 months of Life. Not many parents are fortunate to say their blessing of a baby have made it 6 months into Life, but I can (My Heart goes out to those who have lost their babies.) I am Thankful every morning that the Lord wakes up my Son. I am Thankful for every tear, yell, laugh, fussiness, & love my Son expresses. He is MY WORLD. My Everything. Never have I've felt so much love from one individual. Just speaking about him brings me to tears-- MY SON MEANS MORE THAN ANYTHING TO ME. I have faith that I will raise him the best way I can. When I look at him I see Faith in his eyes. I work. Study. Wake. & Learn for him. I don't regret my Son. He is my boost of confidence. My Little Man. So I thank you God for giving me 6 BEAUTIFUL months of Motherhood & I pray you give Us many more to enjoy... I Love You Jaiden. W/ All my Heart. I love you.