These past 3 months have been such a roller coaster ride, but it's one of those rides that feels it's never gonna end & at this point I am at the bottom. Don't get me wrong my beautiful son makes my days sooooooo much easier & so much brighter, but I do miss Him. He's the father of my Son & the Man I fell in love with. He's the person I that made me feel wanted after such a long time. He loved me for my being crazy. For being ruthless. Kind. Loving. Control freak. & Drama queen. He Loved Me for Me.
I don't blame everything on Him. I perfectly know I am at fault also. I know my attitude & pride was a problem, but I can't put the words together to explain Why; I just know I have these issues. I have been working on them, BUT FOR MYSELF. I have been working on being a better person for ME. & It's working, I now see things in a whole new prospective.
But what hurts me the most is how in the last 3 months it feels like I've been chasing. Chasing someone who seems to enjoy it. So I stopped, but my mind just keeps going over & over what happened. I see now that Men & Women see things in a whole different light. What we see wrong; Men don't. & I just wish he would understand & consider what I'm saying. I'm a lover at heart. I love with all my might & when I yell & get mad it's because I CARE. I care about your future. I care about your present. I care about you Well Being. & As much as I care it just seems to rub Him the wrong way. But when he tells me he still Loves Me I feel it, but I don't See It.
I HOPE this will improve & it has gone too long. & I can say I can only stick around for so long. I can only take enough & I can only take so much disappointments. For now I will lowkey ride at your side & continue to Do Me & care for Our son. Just know I Do Love You.
Good Night, xoxo.