today was a good day;

got my sk O9 on a vey low price. pre-season for the Lakers started off good. the Dodgers are winning :) & i didnt catch an attitude w. my momma when she started being herself :x haha' uhh life is going smooth. got friends. family. & me. cant ask for anything as this point. the only think that is killing me inside & brings me to tears is thinking bout Steven. like i said it has been 4 months, but i cant seem to get a grip of myself. i keep thinking of the days we spent. ditching. laughing. partying. & just being young. i think thats why it hurts so much because he was young. full of life. & just happy. as i sit here i remember sitting in the back of the church looking at his coffin. never imagining myself sitting as his funeral. i remember walking by him & touching his coffin. that was the hardest thing i ever had to do. say Good Bye. to sit there & know he was in there. ready to be put to rest. walking to his coffin at his resting ground. kissing & leaving a picture we had took together. leaving a rose. & telling him i love yu. ive never cried so much in my life. watching them lower him. & then walking away. while he stood behind. this pain hasnt gone away. it hasnt got easier. each & ever day i think of him, i cry. i choke. Steven, i know i got the strength in me. someday i'll find it, but till then i will just live w. this pain. but one thing that will never change is my visits on sundays or any day & watching the sunset w. yu. rubbing the grass that covers yu. telling yu how much i miss & love yu. yu will always remain in my heart. mind. body. soul. & prayers. i love yu & i will never stop saying it.