9 Days...

Putting my son onto this song in the Womb; it's the GREATEST song ever.

I believe I've gotten to the point in my life where disappointment isn't something new, but something I've grown to over come. Especially now w' Jaiden I don't feel alone. I got a Blessing I need to work on. A Blessing that will keep me sane. & a Blessing that gives me so much strength. I'd like to say I'm Not Weak anymore. I've been learning that life doesn't go as you plan it & imagine it. Things change. People change. Situations change. & so does Life. The only thing we got to do is toughen up & roll w' the punches. I can't think about myself no more & I don't plan on doing so. But at the same time I'm not thinking 'bout US; I am thinking 'bout the best for my son. I can't allow heartaches or headaches to come in between me being the best Mother to my son. All those child-ish ways have been thrown out the window. I'm not here to fuss & fight. If something isn't changing I need to take charge & change my role in the situation. From now on I truely believe I will walk away from all the things that aren't being no help. That aren't making me happy. & that are not willing to change for the better. Because when I ask for change it's not because I am selfish. It is because I see we could do better. So my heart isn't broken.. it is Stronger than ever. & this Love for Jaiden will fuel all the positive aspects in our lives.

3 weeks. 3 weeks. 3 WEEKS!

Let's go JAIDEN! We are ready for you baby ")

She's so amazing. Her voice is aaaah!

Waiting game.

We are all playing the waiting game w' Jaiden. If he plans to be on time he should be here in 4 weeks, BUT if he want to make an early arrival Justin & I feel that he will be here in the next week in a half or so (Justin's birthday is A.23rd & his daddy A.24th so it'll be cute if Jaiden is born on one of those days. Or near.) Well I believe we are all prepared. I am not scared WHAT SO EVER. I am just anxious to just hold him. I keep hearing some negativity 'bout Motherhood. "It's not easy as it looks." but I can honestly say deep in my heart I know I am ready & IF I'm not I am not afraid to go All Balls At It!

Well the last sonogram we got Jaiden looks dead on Justin. Lips & EVERYTHING. The baby shower Mom Lea did for us was amazing. Decorations. & the food. & I got to meet Justin's dad side of the family & they were Amazing & so loving. I know we both are young for a child, but I wouldn't change anything (other than timing.) but as far as Justin. His family. & our baby; I am grateful :)

I've lost most Freedom. I've lost the care of the world. I've lost my Bestfriend. I've lost the decision to come & go when ever I want to. I've lost Myself.. Had to give up a lot. Parties. Friends. Hang outs. Boys. Late nights. Vacations. Trips. All for who?

MY beautiful son. I could say I was forced to give it all up, but for Him I am more willing to. He's my inspiration to live a better life. A life in which we are both happy. I promise him that from here on out; I will never put myself or him in a situation where it's not benefiting either of us. It's not about me no more, but about US. I'm waiting for you papas, 5 more weeks... I love you.