My handsome.

I have been embracing Motherhood to my fullest potential & I absolutely love it :-* I am thankful for all the cries. Laughters. choo-s. Blank stares. Diaper changes. Baths. & throw-ups. I love my Son w' all my heart & I will never stop stressing it.

I got through so much w' this song. I wouldn't call it reminiscing, but it was a point in my Life that had a part in shaping me & realizing who is worth the tears.

Good ol' days.

Blessed.

I'd like to begin by thanking God. Thanking him for giving me a healthy, one piece, amazing Son. & MOST importantly for letting him wake up every morning & letting my son live his first month. I'm looking at him now napping on his tummy (I know they say not to allow that, but he naps longer & I am always in the bed w' him when he does.) but as I sit here & look at him I feel like crying.. Crying because I've never felt so many emotions for someone before. This little person that will continue to grow is Mine. MINE to love. Teach. Support. Honor. Protect & share million of memories w'. All the sleepless nights are worth it. The hassle to include a little one into my everyday schedule. Wherever I go- he goes. I am trying my best to be the best mother & person. I strictly breastfeed. I bathe him every night. I talk & sing to him every chance I get. I try to stay calm.. He gives me so much positivity that no matter what happens I will always be fine. This month has just been lovely. I don't regret anything.

Our beautiful son, Jaiden Amarii Banks, is FINALLY here. 39 weeks EXACTLY he decided to make his presence to this world. September 1st @ 11:45pm. His daddy was there to witness his birth; along w' his 2 Uncles who were waiting behind a curtain. Our son is here. I can't express the feelings I have towards him. Pure happiness. Nothing, but Love. & whole bunch of admiration. Jaiden completes me. He makes me feel untouchable. Like I can do whatever in this world. He is my reason to better myself. For him. For us. Mommy loves you. Mommy will always love you. Through heartaches. Headaches. & turbulence's. He is my everything & forever will I fight for my son.

9 Days...

Putting my son onto this song in the Womb; it's the GREATEST song ever.

I believe I've gotten to the point in my life where disappointment isn't something new, but something I've grown to over come. Especially now w' Jaiden I don't feel alone. I got a Blessing I need to work on. A Blessing that will keep me sane. & a Blessing that gives me so much strength. I'd like to say I'm Not Weak anymore. I've been learning that life doesn't go as you plan it & imagine it. Things change. People change. Situations change. & so does Life. The only thing we got to do is toughen up & roll w' the punches. I can't think about myself no more & I don't plan on doing so. But at the same time I'm not thinking 'bout US; I am thinking 'bout the best for my son. I can't allow heartaches or headaches to come in between me being the best Mother to my son. All those child-ish ways have been thrown out the window. I'm not here to fuss & fight. If something isn't changing I need to take charge & change my role in the situation. From now on I truely believe I will walk away from all the things that aren't being no help. That aren't making me happy. & that are not willing to change for the better. Because when I ask for change it's not because I am selfish. It is because I see we could do better. So my heart isn't broken.. it is Stronger than ever. & this Love for Jaiden will fuel all the positive aspects in our lives.

3 weeks. 3 weeks. 3 WEEKS!

Let's go JAIDEN! We are ready for you baby ")

She's so amazing. Her voice is aaaah!

Waiting game.

We are all playing the waiting game w' Jaiden. If he plans to be on time he should be here in 4 weeks, BUT if he want to make an early arrival Justin & I feel that he will be here in the next week in a half or so (Justin's birthday is A.23rd & his daddy A.24th so it'll be cute if Jaiden is born on one of those days. Or near.) Well I believe we are all prepared. I am not scared WHAT SO EVER. I am just anxious to just hold him. I keep hearing some negativity 'bout Motherhood. "It's not easy as it looks." but I can honestly say deep in my heart I know I am ready & IF I'm not I am not afraid to go All Balls At It!

Well the last sonogram we got Jaiden looks dead on Justin. Lips & EVERYTHING. The baby shower Mom Lea did for us was amazing. Decorations. & the food. & I got to meet Justin's dad side of the family & they were Amazing & so loving. I know we both are young for a child, but I wouldn't change anything (other than timing.) but as far as Justin. His family. & our baby; I am grateful :)

I've lost most Freedom. I've lost the care of the world. I've lost my Bestfriend. I've lost the decision to come & go when ever I want to. I've lost Myself.. Had to give up a lot. Parties. Friends. Hang outs. Boys. Late nights. Vacations. Trips. All for who?

MY beautiful son. I could say I was forced to give it all up, but for Him I am more willing to. He's my inspiration to live a better life. A life in which we are both happy. I promise him that from here on out; I will never put myself or him in a situation where it's not benefiting either of us. It's not about me no more, but about US. I'm waiting for you papas, 5 more weeks... I love you.

10 MORE weeks! 10 MORE WEEKS & Jaiden is here ")

I want him here now, but I want him to be inside a little longer. BUT I'm super anxious to see my son. I love you Jaiden; Daddy & I are waiting along w' a WHOOOLE lot of people :-*

It's really early in the morning & I can't seem to fall back asleep. There is so much on my mind that it's starting to hurt. There's a choice I've taken to consideration, but so hard to follow through w'. My greatest problem is letting my heart take over my brain; sometimes the best thing in life is just doing something w'out letting your emotions get the best of you. I'm getting real tired of always giving someone another chance. & another. & another. I just wish for once I can be recognized for the person I am when it comes to other people's issues, likes, & morals. I sometimes find myself losing who I am to make other's happy. I don't ask for anything from other's so I realize I'm doing myself the damage. Because I'm choosing to remain in a situation that isn't making me happy. I bootle so much. I hide alot of my true feelings. Only to later on just completely break down. I can't keep going like this, I need to take a chance & just be me for once. I need to stop trying to make other's happy.

72 Days to go...

Jaiden is doing so much moving; even as I write. It's no more kicks, but more like jabs & elbows. Like if he purposely glides his little body up against my stomach. LOL. It feels funny & it just makes me more anxious to see his little face already :D

On another note I am so thankful for Justin's mom. She's throwing me a Baby Shower (I would have never guessed) & my dad & I are planning a second one. Just to make it easy on both of the families. & more gifts! We have already bought Jaiden some clothes, well he has a lot, some-what. His crib is up & decorated. His has a swing. A rocker. A high chair. & some other little things I can't remember... he's already a spoiled one. I'm also looking for a photographer & a 3D place. I really wanna cherish & snap shot my first born & last for a minute. Haha, so I'ma continue the search & blog later. Toodles :*

77 Days to Go 'Till your here Son :)

Jaiden,
I can't wait to hold you. To hear that first cry. To kiss you. Squeeze you. & just tell you how much I love you. I remind you EVERYDAY while you're in my tummy how much I do, but I'm just so anxious to see your little face. I'm looking forward that day; I don't know bout the delivery, but Mommy will hold strong for you. Each toss & jab in my tummy reminds me you're almost here & how it feels like just yesterday I found out I was expecting you. & look at us now.. 7 months in the oven ") I love you little man. & before I know it you'll be w' daddy, the family, & me. Until then we'll just enjoy the little peace & quiet until you come 'cause once you do you're gonna to be Main Attention to everyone that loves us.

Love,
Mommy.

It's My Birthday :)

Not that long ago I was counting down the months & look at me now.. 20 yrs old! I am greatful I have made it through another yr & greatful by the people that are w' me on my Birthday. I appreciate all the text messages, phone calles, postings, & loveeeee. But the one person I got heavily on my mind is Steven. It's about to be a yr since he passed away & I am here thinking back when we was in HS. How we really clicked; we shared the same birthday so we was so much alike. I love you Steven. I miss you so much. Today isn't so much about me, but you. In your memory<3

God will help me out through this; My faith will give me strength. & my devotion will give me determination. I know I can do this- In God's hand I can accomplish anything. These tears are here now, but gone soon.



I love you Jaiden- Mommy will do this for You.

1O MORE DAYS 'TILL MY BIRTHDAY! :)<3

Everything is going smooth.
Of course, stumbles in the process, but after the rain the sun shines BRIGHT. I'm greatful for everything. Even though at the moment I wish I could walk away & not look back, but after all the anger or tears I know I'm only learning from what I go through. & most importantly I think about my Son; Jaiden Isiah. Every doctors appointment. Ultrasounds. Symptoms. & tosses & turns are worth seeing him & starting a New Life w' him. He's not here yet & I already love him unconditionally. I swear words can't even explain what I feel for him. I'm ready for you son. To love. Protect. Honor. & Guide you.
Mommy promises.

September 8th 2010; Our son Jaiden.



& btw, Happy 18th Birthday to his Godfather, we$!

Changes...

Wow, so I've gone 2 months w'out blogging & I got soooo much that has & will change my Life, FOREVER. First off; I am 5 months pregnant by Justin & we are expecting a BOY! & he's due sometime around September 8th. This came to a surprise for him & as well as for me. NO, I didn't plan it. & No I'm not keeping my son because of him. This is My Life. My Decisions-- good or bad. & I believe I am Woman enough to care & love & support what is Me & what comes from me. I am looking forward mother-hood even though the closest people to me can be a tad bit negative, but I'm not letting that faze me. I know I can do this & I know it's not gonna be easy. But w' the support of loved ones & Justin I know I, & We, are gonna over come this. I'm not scared or double thinking my son so EVERYTHING on my end is Good :) Well we're working on baby names.. We've been thinking "Jaiden". Still open minded to other names, but that's the one that has us for now. Justin & I are together. Working day by day. & I wouldn't have asked for a better supporter than him. I am thankful<3 Welp, that's bout it as of now; so I shall blog later.


Xoxo.

BUSY, BUSY, BUSSSYYYY :/


I've been really out of it lately; same routine-- School. Work here & there. & VBall.
& now a Blessing. But I Promise to manage it ALL (: Just watch & see . . .

BABY?!

Happy. Glad. Ecstatic. EVERY POSITIVE & EMOTION;

I found Gianni (:

well been found him, but I kept forgetting. :x


My New Year started w' A LOT of surprises. Especially- Lose one. Gain 4. aha'