“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.”

today was a good day;

got my sk O9 on a vey low price. pre-season for the Lakers started off good. the Dodgers are winning :) & i didnt catch an attitude w. my momma when she started being herself :x haha' uhh life is going smooth. got friends. family. & me. cant ask for anything as this point. the only think that is killing me inside & brings me to tears is thinking bout Steven. like i said it has been 4 months, but i cant seem to get a grip of myself. i keep thinking of the days we spent. ditching. laughing. partying. & just being young. i think thats why it hurts so much because he was young. full of life. & just happy. as i sit here i remember sitting in the back of the church looking at his coffin. never imagining myself sitting as his funeral. i remember walking by him & touching his coffin. that was the hardest thing i ever had to do. say Good Bye. to sit there & know he was in there. ready to be put to rest. walking to his coffin at his resting ground. kissing & leaving a picture we had took together. leaving a rose. & telling him i love yu. ive never cried so much in my life. watching them lower him. & then walking away. while he stood behind. this pain hasnt gone away. it hasnt got easier. each & ever day i think of him, i cry. i choke. Steven, i know i got the strength in me. someday i'll find it, but till then i will just live w. this pain. but one thing that will never change is my visits on sundays or any day & watching the sunset w. yu. rubbing the grass that covers yu. telling yu how much i miss & love yu. yu will always remain in my heart. mind. body. soul. & prayers. i love yu & i will never stop saying it.

my heart can't stop aching. this pain is brand new.

the same pain i felt the day i found out yu was gone is the same pain i am feeling 4 months later. Steven, i just miss yu soo bad. i dont know why i cant find the strength in me to accept & be strong. i love yu so much & i always repeat that when i speak of yu because it's deep rooted love. & i ask God " why yu. why him? "; but it's something that will never be answered. but i swear to yu FOREVER will i cry for yu. FOREVER will this pain be here. & FOREVER will i love yu & miss yu w. all the will power, from the bottom of my heart. Rest in Peace Baby & send me the strength i need because yu & God know how tough it is thinking 'bout yu & not crying. . .